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by SuperstarMorgan



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Injury, Sad, Sickfic, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 20:43:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17029695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperstarMorgan/pseuds/SuperstarMorgan
Summary: The hospital is the last place you would ever want to grow attached to someone. Unfortunately for you, that’s exactly what happened.





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**Author's Note:**

> This story is also on my Tumblr if you'd rather read it there: https://madboxwithagirl.tumblr.com/post/180606833729/attachment
> 
> Warnings: Hospitals, cancer, heavy angst, death, talks of injuries
> 
> Enjoy!

You were young, so very young. You should have had decades ahead of you. You should have gone on grand adventures all over the universe, meeting strange creatures and trying strange things. You should have gotten your heart broken many times over, learning and growing each time. You should have gone out and lived your life. But life doesn’t always work out the way that you want it to.

You were so young, and you were dying. Even the best doctors in the universe couldn’t help you. Inoperable cancer, they said. Inoperable, impossible to get rid of by any means, and yet you stayed there in that hospital bed as your body deteriorated into nothingness. The sickness itself caused you so much pain, but the pain of dying young without getting to truly live hurt far more.

Your time was growing short, you knew that. How you knew exactly, you weren’t sure, but you recognized that you would only be around for a couple more weeks at best. No one would be there when you died, besides the nurses and the doctors. You had no friends, no family, no lovers to visit and comfort you. You had gone through the tests and procedures alone. You had slowly grown thin and frail without anybody to keep you company. You were going to die without anyone by your side. Maybe the loneliness hurt most of all, more than the imminent death and the lack of living life.

___

 

They had brought in a new patient for you to share your room with. It wasn’t unusual for you to get a new “roommate” for a short while. Many had come and gone, staying for a few days or weeks before heading back out to their lives. You had learned not to get attached to them because of that. You didn’t want to get used to the company and then have it taken away. And you knew that they wouldn’t come back to visit you anyway. Who would want to visit a dying stranger they had met in the hospital?

But, this one was different. He only had a bandage wrapped around his arm, but by the looks on faces of the doctors and the man, he didn’t have a lot of time either. He only had a few weeks left in him before he, too, would die. He would probably outlast you by a week, maybe two, and the thought left you both happy and sad. Well, maybe happy wasn’t the word, but it at least made you feel more content. This was another patient who would not be leaving unless it was by death. You wouldn’t be alone in that sense, at least.

The doctors checked on you after getting him settled in before they left to get to their next patients. You watched the doors shut behind them, staring for a few moments before glancing over at your new roommate. He just lay there, a blank look in his eyes as he stared off into nothing. You knew that look. It was the look you had when you were first admitted and told of your fate. Seeing it on someone else tore you apart and you immediately wished that you could take the stranger’s pain away from him.

His endless stare broke when he shut his eyes and tried to relax into his pillow, opting to rest after what was most likely an incredibly long day. You decided to do the same. You tried to mimic him, letting your head rest against your pillow and allowing your eyes to close. Sleep usually came easy, the sickness making you tired most of the time. For some reason, however, it just wouldn’t come to you. You had shifted the best you possibly could, considering the wires and tubes that were sticking out of your body, trying to find a better position. When that didn’t work, you had a nurse bring in some medicine to help you sleep. When that also failed, you tried to tire yourself out by reading a book, but you couldn’t concentrate on it. Your eyes and mind were on the man across from you, wondering about him.

He looked fairly young, like he should have already seen the stars but was not ready to end those journeys quite yet. He was thin, whether or not he was like that before his injury, you didn’t know. His brown, spiked hair was all over, as if he had woken up with bedhead. What could have caused his injury, and why was it a death sentence? Did he have a significant other? Children? Friends or family? Or was he like you, alone without anyone to stay with him until he was gone?

You let your thoughts wander, wondering about the man and his history, coming up with stories as to what caused him to be nearing death’s door. Your eyes eventually shut as you continued to think about him, letting your wandering thoughts fade into dreams.

___

 

“You know, you shouldn’t pick at the tape.” Your eyes went to the source of the voice as you sighed, continuing to peel bits of the medical tape that kept the tubes and the wires in place.

“Yes, I’m very much aware of this, thank you,” you said, letting your eyes go back to your fingers as they picked away. “There’s not exactly much to do in a hospital. It’s either complete meaningless tasks or think about my approaching death. Which seems better to you?” You winced inwardly at your reply, not meaning to sound as rude as you had. You desperately wanted somebody in your life, but you didn’t want to get attached to the man in the opposite bed. You both would die, and one would go before the other. Whoever survived the longest would have to live on without the other, and you weren’t going to put that emotional burden on either of you.

He clicked his tongue and ran a hand through his already messy hair. He hadn’t expected the response he had received, but that didn’t discourage him.

“Well, I’m quite sure there’s more to do than that. What about reading? You know, there’s plenty of great books out there that I’m sure you haven’t read. Have you read the Catkind version of _Romeo and Juliet_? One is a human and the other is, well, Catkind. Makes a very interesting read I must say!” You stopped picking at the tape and huffed out an annoyed breath, not even bothering to look at the man.

“You’re rather chipper for a dying man, sir.” You closed your eyes and grit your teeth as soon as the words left your mouth. You cursed yourself for being so rude. Just because you didn’t want to get close to the guy didn’t mean that you needed to hurt him or make him feel worse about his fate. “I’m…sorry,” you muttered out, too ashamed and embarrassed to look at the man.

“Yes, well,” he started, clearing his throat, “perhaps I shouldn’t be telling you what to do. Let’s start over, shall we? My name is—“

“No.” You shot your head up and looked him in the eye as you balled your fists up.

“Pardon?” he asked, a look of confusion on his face.

“No. No names. Names get you attached, like when you name a stray dog. If I know your name, I’ll want to get to know you better. And then one of us will die, and the other one will be left without their friend. So, no names.” Your eyes were begging him to drop it, to let you have your wish and to stop any sort of friendship before it could begin.

“Right. Very well then.” He nodded, a look of hurt in his eyes, but he respected your choice and stopped speaking to you. He pressed the button on his hospital bed, calling for a nurse. He mumbled something about getting a book to read, which the nurse retrieved for him. He opened the book and read, the only sounds coming from his side of the room being the occasional page as it was turned. You tried to find something to do to distract you from your roommate, but the only viable option was the book on your table. Sighing, you picked it up and began where you had left off. You didn’t notice the man glancing up and smiling softly, happy that you had taken his suggestion to read after all.

___

 

“What a bad ending,” you muttered as you closed the book, disappointed. The man raised an eyebrow at you as you put the book back on the table, a small pout on your face. You heard him chuckle at your facial expression, which made you look up and glare at him. Instead of stopping, he chuckled more while holding up his own book.

“ _Romeo and Juliet_ with caaaats,” he said in a singsong voice as he waved his book back and forth. “I bet you’ll loooove it!”

“I’ve been telling you for the past four days that I will not be reading a Catkind version of Shakespeare.” He continued to wave his book in front of him, a wide grin on his lips. You tried to ignore him and his childish antics, but the movement out of the corner of your eyes eventually became too distracting for you. You let out a breath of air, irritated with his unwillingness to give up. “If I read the damn book will you stop being annoying?” His already big grin somehow got even larger as you agreed to read the play.

___

 

“So, whatcha think?” he asked as you closed the book, a knowing look in his eye. You remained silent, opting to stare at anything besides him. “Well?” he questioned again, extending the word. You mumbled something out, too quiet for him to hear. He leaned forward and turned his ear towards you, grinning widely. “What was that? Ya gotta speak up.”

“It…was good. Really good.” He laughed out and smirked, knowing that you would enjoy it. “It has no business being that good. I mean who would have thought to re-write the play with Catkind? I just don’t get it.” You looked up at him, ready to continue your thoughts on the book, when you noticed his smirk. “What?”

“So would you say you _loved_ it?”

“Oh no, nuh uh. You’re not playing that game with me, mister.”

“Oh come on, say it.” He whined, a playful smile on his face. He was enjoying this far too much.

“Uhg, fine! I loved the book. You happy?”

“I told you you’d love the book, and you did. Which means…?” Your mouth dropped open, not believing that he was doing what he was doing. You shook your head as you laughed out of shock. “Oh c’mon, just say it!” he urged you, looking at you expectingly. You crossed your arms and continued to shake your head.

“You’re a child.”

“No, I don’t think that’s it. Try again?”

“Fine. You were right. But you’re also a child.” He shrugged, taking victory in both the admission and the endearing term.

___

 

“Who thought that Space Chess was a good idea!?” you exclaimed when your chess piece floated right on past where you wanted it to stop. “It makes you have to put more effort than you already do into the game. I have some choice words for the bastard who thought this up.”

“ _Zero Gravity_ Chess,” he corrected, “is a very well thought out improvement. You require not only intelligence, but also,” he flicked his own piece towards yours, “skill. Checkmate.” You groaned and fell back against your pillow, upset at your loss. 

“Alright, new activity.” You sat up and pointed your finger towards his heart monitor, which featured two different heartbeats. “What’s up with that?” He looked over at the monitor and laughed.

“Two hearts!” He patted his chest on each side to reiterate the point.

“Yes, that much was obvious, but what human has two hearts? How is that possible?”

“You think I’m a _human_?” he asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the idea. You narrowed your eyes at him, slightly offended of his view of mankind.

“So, if you’re not human, that makes you a…?”

“Gallifreyan. Time Lord to be exact. The last one actually.” His eyes housed a sadness that you instantly noticed. He didn’t need to explain to you why. He was the last of his species, and soon, that species would be extinct, gone from existence forever. You didn’t want to make things worse for him, but you were incredibly curious as to what exactly a Time Lord was, and with both of you nearing the ends of your lives, you decided to press on.

“So, uhh. Precisely what is the difference between a Time Lord and a human? Besides the dual heart system that is.” His eyes somewhat lit up at your question, which relieved you.

“Well, many things in fact. Different respiratory system, triple helix DNA, bigger and better brains,” he ignored your offended glare, “two livers, organs that you lot don’t have, ability to regenerate, able to—“

“Regenerate?” you questioned, ending his listing of differences. The light in his eyes died down again at your question, making you feel guilty for asking.

“Regeneration, yes. When we’re mortally wounded,” he shifted uncomfortably at that, “we change into someone else. Different face, body, personality. But we’re still the same person nevertheless. Keeps us living for centuries.” You nodded slowly, understanding the basics of what he was saying. But if he could regenerate and keep on living, why wasn’t he doing that? He smiled sadly at you, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

“Got scratched by a nasty little creature. The claws secrete a poison. Quite deadly, usually a quick killer. My body can withstand it longer than most other species, but it will still kill me. The species is unique, its poison being able to make through regeneration. No matter how many times I regenerate, the poison will stay there and eat away at me.” He leaned back into his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“I never expected to die like this. I always thought it would much later on in life, being killed while defending a planet, getting shot by a Dalek, choking on a pear—which would be the worst way to go, if I’m being honest. But never in a bloody _hospital_ , weeks after the fact.” He let his eyes fall shut before continuing. “Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been prepared to die. Accepted it in fact. And, at times, have looked forward to it. But I suppose I always expected it to be quick, or that I would be able to make it back to my ship so I could die in a familiar place. I wanted to be out traveling the universe until the very end.”

Your chest began to hurt while he spoke, realizing how sad he really was. Behind the games of Space Chess and talks of Shakespeare re-writes, he was a broken man. Something had brought him immense hurt even before he found his way to the hospital bed, and now, confronted with death, the pain only got worse. He had so much life to live, so many lives to go through, so many lives to save. But instead he was there, laying in a hard bed away from home, away from everything he loved. Yet, despite the anguish you both felt, you let out a laugh. It was not humorous; it was cold and ridden with sadness. He looked up at you, confused by the sound.

“At least you got to live. You got to go out there and see the stars, experience so many things that the universe has to offer. I never got to do that.” You smiled wistfully as you proceeded. “I’m young. I spent so many years waiting for the right time to go. I worked hard to save up the money to buy everything I needed to travel. I learned about each and every place that I wanted to go and visit, wanting to know each little detail about them. I was so close. But…” Tears has begun to fall, your voice wavering as you willed yourself to finish.

“I was getting a final physical so I could be cleared to visit some of the more dangerous places on my list. They ran all of the normal tests, and I thought all was well. I was going over my checklist, making sure everything I needed was on it so I could pop on over to the store after the physical. But then the doctor walked in and said that they had seen something and needed to run more tests. They all came back with the results we had feared: cancer. And a lot of it. It was everywhere, impossible to operate on or try to kill off. They said that I should go home so I could die there in comfort, but I would have been by myself. At the hospital, I have the nurses and the doctors and the occasional emotional support animal to come see me. Here, at least, I’m not alone.”

Neither of you said anything for a long while after that, the only sounds being your sniffles. After a lengthy wait, he spoke again.

“You’re right.” You looked up at him, wondering what he meant. “I won’t be alone. Not here.” He looked over at you, giving you a soft, melancholy smile. You knew what he was thinking. He had you, and you had him. You laughed softly at him as you wiped your tears away, shaking your head.

“Oh, so now _I’m_ the one who is right. I’ll admit, it sounds better coming from you than it does from me.” His somber smile gained some delight at your comment, and he began to laugh as well. Your laughter eventually died down and you closed your eyes, enjoying the afterglow. A new silence came about, but this time, it held some joy. You were the one to eventually break the silence.

“Tell me about your travels.” You didn’t move or open your eyes, wanting to keep the magic of the moment alive. “Let me live vicariously through you.”

“Very well then.” And so he told you of his travels. He told you of times long past and of times far off, of aliens and humans, both kind and not. He spoke of his home planet, his friends and family there, and their tragic ends. He described his ship and its many designs over the years, as well as his own many forms. He told of his past companions, his love for one in particular, and their departures from his life. He told you all that he could. And, while you listened, you kept your eyes closed, imaging yourself being with him through it all, seeing the stars.

___

 

It was a particularly gloomy day. The thought of death was at the front of your mind, refusing to leave. You had woken up feeling worse than you had in the past, the pain bringing you away from your dreams. Tears streamed down your face instantly, your bleary eyes searching for the “Call Nurse” button on your bed. When the pain medicine they gave you finally kicked in, the reminder of your oncoming passing came forward.

It had been two weeks since the dying man had arrived, and he was looking worse for wear. You had had to watch as his already skinny form became even smaller, his eyes sinking into his head and his skin somehow becoming paler than it previously was. His spiky hair had fallen flat against his head, any volume long lost. The poison from the wound was making quick work of him. He was dying, and he was dying fast.

It already hurt knowing that you would be gone soon enough, but watching the man that you had bonded with shrivel away hurt more. You had sworn not to get attached to the man, knowing that it was going to end badly for both of you, but there was no stopping it. He was the only one you had, and you, him. It was to be expected that you would grow close. Yet, neither of you knew each others’ names.

You watched as he slept, not used to the sight. You had only seen him sleep one time before then, and that was the night he was first admitted. He was always awake when you were, reading or watching something on the TV. It was if he never slept, and seeing him actually partaking in the activity was unsettling. Sleep in someone who is already dying is scary. Sleep in someone who is dying and also never slept to begin with is terrifying.

You watched him as he slept, thinking of all of the grand adventures he had been on before getting injured. He deserved to go on one last trip, getting to die on that lovely ship of his. But she was gone, he had said. Where to, he didn’t know. She brought him to the hospital and left him on his own. He was not one to curse his own ship, but he made an exception for the abandonment. You wished that she hadn’t done such a cruel thing. He should have been able to have _some_ control over the circumstances of his death. He had earned that right.

He shifted slightly as he began to wake, and you let out a sigh of relief. Awake was good. Awake meant he was alive. His eyes opened slowly, the shine long gone. He looked so miserable. You felt selfish for wanting him to outlive you. He had lost so much already, and you wanted him to lose one more person just so you wouldn’t have to go through the loss. He needed to die first. It would be better that way.

He didn’t move his eyes, the faded brown orbs staring off into nothing. He looked so close to death, but he still wasn’t ready to go. He was trying so hard to fight it off, trying to make it just another hour, another day, another week. It was if he was waiting for something, holding off for that one last thing, and once it presented itself, he would let go. What that thing was, though, remained a mystery.

You tried to sit up, wanting to get a bit more comfortable, but the pain made you stop. You winced and lay back down, unable to fight through the aches. The medicine, while it stopped much of the pain, couldn’t fight it all off. You were dying too. He looked over at you slowly, his brows furrowing. Even in his dying state, he still was concerned about you. You looked away from his gaze, not wanting to see him like that. He was so incredibly kind and he had made your last couple of weeks some of the best of your life. He brought a light into your life that you thought you would never get to see, but now it was being extinguished. He deserved better than what he had been given, so much better. There wasn’t much else that you could provide for him, but there was at least last thing you could give. You hoped that it was enough.

You murmured something out, soft and slow.

“What?” he asked, his voice not nearly as strong as it was only a week ago. You said the words again, louder and stronger.

“My name. That’s my name. I said no names because they get you attached, right? But I got attached to you anyway, even without knowing a single letter of your title. I guess at this point, it doesn’t really matter whether or not you know it. But now you do. It’s the least I can give you, especially after all you’ve done for me.” You sighed and gripped your sheet, angry that you couldn’t provide more for him. Through his stories, you had finally gotten to travel the universe like you always wanted. You knew that he was happy having a friend in you, someone he could ramble on to about ship parts and alien anatomy, but he should have gotten so much more. Your self deprecation was interrupted by his laugh, his sweet laugh that you had grown to adore. It was weak and it was breathy, but it was still his laugh.

“I think I know why she left me here. My ship. I would have gone off on my own, isolated in space. I would have died like an animal does, all alone and away from other life. She must have known I would have found someone here, someone to die with.” He smiled a warm, genuine smile. “I don’t mean to say that I’m happy that another person is dying too, but if we’re both going, then I’m happy that I’ve been able to spend my last weeks with you.” He said your name after he finished his speech, testing out the new syllables. He said it once more, liking the way they sounded on his tongue. He closed his eyes, a smile still on his face. He seemed content. “Oh. And I’m the Doctor.”

___

 

You were awoken by the sounds of flatlining heart monitors and multiple nurses and doctors rushing into the room, shouting orders at each other.

_No. No no no no no. It can’t be time. It just can’t be. Please don’t let it be._

But it was. The nurse called the time of death, and the Doctor’s body was removed from the room. Just like that, he was gone. All of the games, the conversations, the stories. They were all gone. The Doctor was dead, and there was nothing you could do. The tears ran uncontrollably down your face as you sobbed, begging for him to come back, to burst into the room and tell you that it was only a joke and that he still alive. The nurses tried to calm you down and get you to stop crying out, but you couldn’t stop. You tried to get up and tear the tubing and wiring out of your body so you could chase after him, wanting to get back to your friend. The nurses, however, wouldn’t allow it and eventually called for another nurse to bring you a sedative. You fought hard against them to avoid it, but it was no use. The instant you were given the drug, you felt tired and fell unconscious.

You dreamed of the Doctor, holding your hand and running away from danger. You both laughed as you ran, knowing that you would get away safely and soon be off on a new adventure. He would take you to all of the places you had planned to go to, and he would take you to all of the places he wanted to show you. Planets, solar systems, galaxies. He was going to show you them all. But then he began to fade away, your attempts to get back to him futile. you called out to him, yelling his name over and over again. _Doctor! Doctor!_

“Doctor!” You sat up and cried out his name, ignoring the pain in your body. You looked at his side of the room, the empty bed staring back at you. “Doctor?” you croaked, feeling the prickling of tears behind your eyes. He was gone, and he was never returning.

___

 

You deteriorated quickly the days following the death of the Doctor. His departure was killing you, quite literally. The pains in your body worsened, the medicines no longer having any effect. You couldn’t eat, the desire not there. You sat in your bed all day, staring at the bed that he used to occupy, remembering your friend. You missed him terribly, the misery settling into your heart. You longed for sleep, knowing that you would be able to see him in your dreams. Whenever you awoke, you would achingly wait for sleep to return to you.

Finally, after a week had come and gone, you felt that feeling you had been waiting for since the Doctor passed away. It was nearly time. You weren’t going to die with him by your side, but you were at least able to think about him as you fell into your eternal sleep. You felt your heart begin to slow, the uncontrollable urge to sleep coming fast. You let your eyes slip closed, knowing that they would never open again. You faintly heard the sound of a flatline, and then it was gone.

Instead, in its place, you heard your name being called out. You opened your eyes, seeing nothing but inky darkness. You spun around, trying to find the source. And then there he was, happy and healthy, the shine back in his eyes. The Doctor held his hand out, smiling widely at you. You smiled back, willing your legs to move as you reached out your hand as well. The moment your fingers touched, you both ran towards that gorgeous ship of his, the TARDIS. You were off to see the stars, the Doctor by your side.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments of any type are always welcome!


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